Troy's "blog" on / myspace
Quote:HEY its me your new best friend Troy!.im looking for a place to write my next album. do you have a summer house in the forest far away? could i go there in november and live to write music? you will go down in history. write me <!-- e --><a href=""></a><!-- e --> and let me know if you can think of anything. love, troy
{ It's like I swim in sound and the way it feels means everything for me }
Quote:Ricardo is my new best friend. he is a donkey but we spend most of our time togther eating sanwiches and talking. I love to look at his most beautiful eyes. he watches me while i write and i watch him while he eats dirt. I wish i could take him with me on tour. i wouldnt make him carry anything, i would carry his bags for him instead. His pupils go sideways. I like my new freind Ricardo the donkey very much. he helps me think about the world as a simple round ball.
{ It's like I swim in sound and the way it feels means everything for me }
Quote:look at this big blank page its vey nice but ill have to tell you a story now so you can sleep better tonight...

10-6 I was an easy baby. an only child. i am japanese and under 5 foot tall but i have one very long toe that i can stand on and it makes me closer to 6 foot. i have a jiant smile that covers most of my face so i look like some kind of screaming jackel. when i was a little girl my father took me out on his row boat into the river and thew me into the water in Fukuoka japan. He thought this would teach me how to swim but all it tought me is that i must kill humans each day to satisfy my lust for blood. On that day i found that the taste of a medium sized japanese man is exactly the same as a king sized chocolate bunny. From that day on i realized how delicous the japanese are. now each day i cant sleep with out eating a little yellow arm or leg, a little taste of the east. they are so gooey and delicious. i like to dip strawberrys in the sauce and freeze them for a light summer-time snack. or maybe add some tomatoes and onions for a nice pasta sauce, good for when the friends come over. all in all I've learned that all the people of the world are made from the same delicious ingredients. we are all one happy race. We are children of the planet who must learn to live hand in hand in equality. Let the grace of god hold us together in unity to the end of our eternal search for yummy oriental food-snacks.
{ It's like I swim in sound and the way it feels means everything for me }
Didn't we lose track of this ?

Now, here it goes :

2007/10 :
Quote:the Tocotronic show is blowing my ear holes out! every night is the best night ever and the people are great. I'm writing this from Vienna backstage after my show. i can hear Toco downstairs and all the thousands of people screaming. its so loud through the walls. i have a beer and my typewriter right next to me. i was floating again on stage tonight. my little feets didnt even touch the ground once.


Hello my dear friend,

can you guess what i am doing these days?

i am on the Tocotronic tour now. everyday we drive a bit then go to the club and hang out and make jokes and eat cookies and drink tea and beer and then we sound check then i play my show and its soooo much fun because i love that guitar and i love to plug it into my amp and make loud sounds.

then i watch Tocotronic play from the side of the stage. they are great every night and really the nicest people in the whole world. its good to be on tour with people like them. always smiling and happy with only nice things to say....strange!

i have my first book for sale at the merch booth every night and they are selling like crazy. my book is called "3GIRLS". and while Tocotronic sound checks i am writing my 2nd book page by page every day. Oh and i got a new haircut yesterday by Adeline.

ill write you again soon to tell you new things as they happen


your best friend,

december 2007
Quote: I have given up music for a life at sea.
Hello dear friend,
it is Troy writing you from Marseille. I have given up music for a life at sea.
I am working on a fishing boat off the Port Of Marseille now.
my new job is to go out every morning searching for the giant octopus that dwells in the rough water about an hour out to sea.
Each morning I go down into the freezing waters with a metal bulb on my head with a hose attached to it that pumps air from the boat down to me. All I carry is a spear and a little knife attached to my leg.
I am told that there are man eating fish out here that measure the size of a house and have a thousand sets of razor sharp jaws.
My job is simply to wait for giant squid and when they apper to tag them with a tracking device. We then spend months following their movements looking for their breeding ground, which in my opinion is deep in the Lost City Of Atlantis, but I dont get much air down here.
If you are in Marseille in December please email me and we can get a glass of beer together and trade stories of danger on the high and mighty sea.
end december 2007 :
Quote:My dear friend,

I hope you had a better christmas than I did. I spent mine on the savage sea. we had been out for three days and nights collecting the nets we had laid for the giant Australian squid (hematolis maximus).

It was before dawn and still completely dark.

This day my job was to stand on the side of the boat and pull the nets close enough for the others to grab and haul everything in.

I was standing there looking into the murky water when all of a sudden I thought I saw what looked like a pair of giant cat eyes looking back at me from under the water. I bent my head closer to see what it was, and thats when i saw it...

What all men fear. the most notorious monster of the deep. The giant enlarged underwater sea kitten!!

Before I knew what was happening I was being lifted into the air by a giant furry kitty paw. It came out of the black water like a rocket. I could just see it's giant kitty teeth glimmering in my flashlight beam. The monster must have been watching me and waiting for me to get close enough to strike.

Before I could move It lifted me right off the side of the boat and into its cute (but naughty) mouth. The first thing I felt was my right leg being chewed off.

My flashlight fell into the sea and then the blackness closed in around us. I couldn't see a thing. I could only hear my mates running out onto the deck and screaming in horror.

I felt my leg being torn off and I thought that I was about to die. The Kitten lifted me high into the air to swallow me whole when all of a sudden I noticed the orange sliver of dawn just breaking the horizon. I heard the kitten roar and turn to see. (Everyone knows that like the vampire the giant enlarged underwater sea kitten can not be expose to the sunlight.) In horror the kitten let out a terrible roar (that sounded like a little kitty squeaking but REALLY LOUD). The next thing I knew I was falling. I hit the water hard, and could see him under me swimming downward back into the unexplored deep.

That's when i blacked out. I woke up here in Marseille General Hospital. The doctor has told me that I have lost my leg and some blood but should be ok.

I am just happy to be alive. I will be here for the next 3-5 weeks until I'm strong enough.

If you want to write to me I'lll be at:

Troy Von Balthazar
Room #227
Marseille General Hospital
13240, Marseille

thank you for all your support. I will be strong for you

love, troy
Quote: Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Great news!!

Dear Friend,
I have good news to report. i have found a doctor that will replace my legs with little plastic ones (see photo). His name is Dr Jose Hernandez of the Guadeloupe tribe in Mexico.
His specialty is replacing normal healthy legs with funny looking gray lego legs. they sent me this photo of how happy i will be with my new legs...see, I'll be running through the forest laughing with the monkeys and squirrels.
I cant wait to get there. First we have to travel across 3 days of Mexican desert to get to his village. The brochure says that this region is very safe and does not contain villains or banditos that will kil, kill, kill, us.
I will bring with me $10,000 in cash strapped to my whitey tighties. I will also bring with me all the letters that you have sent me, so that I might be strong during the painful operation (which I am told will be outside under the hot Mexican sun).
They do all their operating the old fashioned way in this region. They just chop- away and use white glue to stick things together again.
...But I will feel nothing because I will be so high on Peyote that it will just feel like I'm flying through the beautiful sky upon little chicken birdie wings. Up, up, to the sun to talk to my friends the butterflies and the happy gum drop fairies.
They will bring me close to the sun and moon, where everything is pink with pleasure and when we get there we shall all dance and sing and be happy forever and ever and ever.
I am taking my airplane to Mexico tomorrow morning. wish me well!!
Bon Voyage!
your best and closest friend,
[Image: 2196806919_5691cc3698.jpg]
Quote: Sunday, January 27, 2008

my newest and bestest video ever!!!!!

hello friend look here at my newest and bestest video ever!!!!!
It will drive you insane with its beauty and musical mastery.
"how does he do it?" you might ask yourself. The answer is simple.....steriods and 3 hours in the gym every day.
thats how i keep this body lookin good
thanks for asking.
p.s. i love you and i hope you enjoy the video, it was made by Darren Ankenman (see his work at <!-- w --><a class="postlink" href=""></a><!-- w -->)
Quote: Thursday, February 07, 2008

My second album
Because I have recorded an album and have not found a good record company yet I have decided to end it all by throwing myself into a volcano. I have been lost in the mexican jungle for the past 2 weeks searching for the great Mt. Popocatepetl. I have kept myself alive by eating dirt and rocks. This cant go on much longer. I am traveling to the great volcano to speak to the shaman who lives at the bottom and ask him for the heavenly chicken wings to carry me to a better life in the next world.
When I jump I will not fall for the great chicken in the sky will catch me with her colorful toes and I will suckle at her breast for the nutrients I need to be strong enough to fly through the eternal barrier of worlds and land safely on the other side.
When I arrive the women and children will rejoice and dance to the music of my second album for all of eternity.
The music will ring out over the land and eveywhere there will be orgys and creepy hippy vibes. And with my giant staff in my hand from my throne of endless gold I shall watch over my wives and children and eat strawberries off the bosom of life itself.
And they shall speak my name carefully and with fear so as not to anger "The furious one". I am the chicken king, I can do anything.
love, troy
Quote: Thursday, September 25, 2008

Santiago the Beast

Hello Dear friend This is Troy Von Balthazar,
I am writing today to regretfully inform you that I will not be able to perform on the next Troy Von Balthazar tour starting sunday night.
I feel that my talents are better suited for relaxing here in the spa room.
To make up for any distress this may cause and to fulfill my contractual obligations I have sent my half brother Santiago out on the tour disguised as me.
Santiago and I have spent the last week in the studio learning the songs that he is to perform on this tour.
I think he sounds pretty close the original at this point, and though he isn't nearly as handsome as I am, I can only hope that his rotten looks will not detract from the underlying beauty of the music he is set to perform.

Please dear friend, when you see Santiago, don't let his two glass eyes fool you!
Inside those sightless doll eyes beats the heart of a Saint, the loins of a master lover, and the tiny brain of a pastry chef.
I am sure that he will do my music great honor and the disguise will work so seamlessly that no one will ever know that The Great Troy Von Balthazar himself was not on stage singing you those haunting lullaby's.

Though he is my half brother I should warn you that Santiago has a very bad temper and a VORACIOUS sexual appetite. I beg you please give him whatever he asks for on this tour and please don't taunt him or put your hands inside the cage.
He is a human being after all.
Thank you.
Troy von Balthazar

(Dictated to nude steward, Spa Room Ritz Carlton Hotel, Rome Italy 9/25/08)

France :
28.09 Le Guilvinec/ Clc du Guilvinec – w/ Berry
30/09 : Paris La Cigale – w/ BERRY
1/10 : Feyzin // L'Epicerie Moderne (solo show!)
3/10 : Valence // Le Mistral (solo show !)
9/10 : Toulouse // Saint des Seins (solo show!)
11/10 : Sarzeau – w/ BERRY
23/10 : Nantes / La Bouche d'Air – w/ BERRY
31/10 : Troyes – w/ BERRY
1/11: Factory festival (Nivelles, BELGIUM) with Girls in Hawaii, Austin Lace, ….
5/11: Rennes – w/ BERRY
14/11 : Saint Andre de Cubzac – w/ BERRY
18/11 : Montigny le Bretonneux – w/ BERRY
22/11 : Claye Souilly – w/ BERRY
27/11 : Beauvais – w/ BERRY
28/11 : Sotteville les Rouen – w/ BERRY
29/11 : l'Emporium Galorium ROUEN (solo show!)
2/12 Berlin-acoustic show
3/12 Berlin - Postbahnhof
4/12 tba
5/12 Hamburg - uebel & gefaehrlich
6/12 Cologne - underground

About tour dates, please see shows page for more info.
Quote:08 Dec 2008, 13:34

3GIRLS book of the month!

hello friends,
just a note to let you know that my book 3GIRLS is available and rocking at:
Yvon lambert Bookshop
108 rue Vieille du Temple
75003 Paris

and online at

It was voted "book of the month" by Magic magazine in their December issue (read the review in french below)*.

I'm writing the next one NOW. I'ts going to blow your brain holes.


*You can find the review following this link
Quote:Saturday, December 27, 2008

Notes from Santiago (substitute for a star)

I've been across the world disguised at TVB. I've seen the moons of Icarus shining like emeralds below me. I've tasted the fruit of fame and become drunk on the blood of a thousand maidens.
To be TVB even for a day, will change a man forever. My only thought now is how to remain a demigod longer. I've spent the last 3 months planning how to kill him and I've come up with an idea so vile that it makes me shutter to even write this.

How does a man steal the soul of a demigod? and how can a mere mortal handle this much power?
When I, Santiago, son of Pepe agreed to take the place of TVB on his tour I never imagined the power that was being given to me.
TVB is the greatest living musician since the beginning of time. there is no question, his songs have shaped a thousand generations. his lyrics so intensely beautiful that without them there would be no life for any of us here.

This kind of power is uncontrollable. This kind of power shapes new worlds. Out where the galaxy ends, out where the light and particle become one, out beyond our imagining exists a throne made of solid human bones. Floating gracefully at the edge of this galaxy he sits, looking back at us munching gleefully from his box of cookies made with human souls and planet dust.

Troy Von Balthazar the destroyer.

[Image: 3140320433_534acdc4b9_o.jpg]
{ It's like I swim in sound and the way it feels means everything for me }
Quote:Tuesday, January 27, 2009

New song and concert in YOUR HOUSE

Hello there my good friend,
It's Troy Von Balthazar
Hey REALLY want to tour in the spring...!
Do you work at a club or know a good club in your town that might want to bring TVB??
I would love to play!
write me back with your ideas
I want to make it a fun exciting tour and play EVERYWHERE.
in clubs/ in bars/ on the back of a flying duck/ deep outer space / on a moving spped boat or in YOUR HOUSE, ill play anywhere!!
write me with your ideas...!
your best friend,
p.s. new song on my page!!
[Image: 3231235045_653372cbfa_o.jpg]
{ It's like I swim in sound and the way it feels means everything for me }
Quote:Friday, February 13, 2009

all turtles are evil
Current mood: [Image: artistic.gif] aroused

all turtles are evil

Back in the 1940's when I was still a young girl I lived in Brazil deep in the amazon forest. When I was four years old I saw my first man eating turtle up close. That year I was drinking a lot and my memory is a little hazy but that encounter changed my life forever, and left me with only three remaining toes.

It all started after a long night of drinking in the bar. I had just met some nice sailors and we were getting along fine. I'd gone outside to smoke a cigarette and get some fresh air when I saw something move in the corner of my eye. I was pretty drunk at that point but as I stared into the dark amazon water I could swear there was something moving down there. From out of the murky water I saw what looked like two glowing eyes. I bent down to get a closer look and saw clearly two evil green eyes the size of saucers staring back at me!

I let out a horrible scream but no sound came out of my throat. I was frozen in terror at the edge of the water.
Back in the 1940's the amazon was a totally different river. There were crocodile, snakes, underwater sea chickens and other dangerous animals but we were all so toughened by the forest life that we would swim daily in the deep waters.
I'm not Jacques Cousteau but I've never seen a turtle as evil as the one I saw that night. It's eyes were the size of lamp-lights, it's teeth were like giant white pickles, jagged, bitter, and deadly.
My first impulse was to kick his rotten face before he could attack. My feet are as hard as wood from running through the forest chasing monkeys for dinner so I swung my leg back and aimed for his green lizard-like face.
I'm not Jacques Cousteau but kicking a turtle hurts, and remember I was only four years old and completely drunk so my aim might have been slightly off. What I thought was his face was actually his bottom and my foot disappeared into darkness...

To this day that was one of the most awkward moments of my life and I shutter to recall the rest of this horrific adventure.

I should tell you that I did study with Jacques Cousteau for many years and learned how to fight most animals to the death. I can strangle about any fish you throw at me and I always carry a knife in my shoe to kill birds and horses. Most of the time I just kill for the thrill of it, and to swim in the lakes of blood while I praise my lord that lives below me.

So there I was standing at the rivers edge with my foot lost in the darkness of the monsters sweet buttocks. Just then I heard a roar from the beneath me and watched the monster turtle swing its giant head out of the water. I could see the confusion in its eyes and smell its horrible breath. It's eyes were locked in mine and they pleaded as if to say....."why there?"

If i were Jacques Cousteau I might have reacted differently but all those vodka shots made me so light headed that I instinctively jumped onto the monsters back and dug my heels into his rough green hide.
We took off like a flash across the dark amazon river, both of us screaming in terror.
We were moving so fast and the monster was thrashing about so wildly that I could feel the foot beginning to uncork itself from its the monsters unsightly bottom.
I was beginning to slip but I knew I would be killed if I let go, so I dug in deeper and could feel my toes crunching and breaking off inside the beast like little brown breadsticks.

Just as I thought I couldn't hold on a second longer the monster leaped from the water with me on his back and I could feel myself losing consciousness.
The last thing I saw was the little village with it's groovy sailor bars, the river glowing in the moonlight and the green black trees of my beloved amazon far below us.

I now live with the turtle on the moon and we dance together beneath the fiery sky.
It's hard dancing with only three toes left after the others were ripped from me on that memorable night. I thought I would never walk again, but the turtle (who I now call Donnie) nursed me back to health and gave me the confidence to dance again.
"So dance my children
dance for the light
dance for youth remembered
for youth, despite
the tragedy of getting older
the wonderment of flight
the toes we lost,
the toes we found
and now my friends...goodnight."

[Image: 3277627132_f09f4d3e36_o.jpg]
[Image: 3277627152_73dab9fd43_o.jpg]

source: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href=""> ... =470524156</a><!-- m -->
{ It's like I swim in sound and the way it feels means everything for me }
Quote:Friday, March 13, 2009

new TVB tour and EP CD!!!

TVB 3 EP tour

Hello my dear friend,
Soon I will be embarking on a tour of France, where the people dance with no pants.
I will join them in their dance, but ill be wearing pants (because I'm shy).
Will you join us?
I'll have a new CD at the shows. its called "TVB 3 EP"
11 songs of that will make you want to walk around without any pants whatsoever.
You'll forget you even own pants!!!!

I'll also have my book "3GIRLS" at the shows.
so if you want to get weird, or just listen to some weird music come and join the party.
I'll be there in weird town waiting for you, bottomless.
Your best friend in the world,
Troy[Image: 3351961368_18070b1e19_o.jpg]

TVB 3 EP shows
april 3 Nancy

april 4 METZ

april 7 PRAGUE

april 12 Dunkerque

april 14 Lille

april 15 GRENOBLE

april 17 PARIS

source: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href=""> ... =476446842</a><!-- m -->
{ It's like I swim in sound and the way it feels means everything for me }

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